whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize