I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
