last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
