Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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