your room smells of hookers.
And success
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
