At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
