this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Randomize
