Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
