Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
