He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
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