I skipped work to stalk him.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
