when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
