some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
