I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
