I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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