You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Randomize
