I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Who died my cat blue again?
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