Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
