I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
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