Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
