You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
