She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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