I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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