I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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