I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
