There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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