She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
