He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
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