he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Randomize