my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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