I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
