How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
