Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
My pussy is not your playground.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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