you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Liz is crying about burritos again.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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