so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Randomize