Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
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