So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize