My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
40s are totally the cure
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize