True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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