I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
