God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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