Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
