After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
