i need an iv and a liver transplant
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
