if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
