I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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