fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize