you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
