Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
