Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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