Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
