like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
