This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
The best revenge is premature balding
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
