My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize