Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
