In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
You're breaking my sexual little heart
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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