turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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