Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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