Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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