If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
