I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
