I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
