I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
