Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
