i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
