4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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