non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
