i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
