I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
