The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
