It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
