So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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