You can't motorboat a personality
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Randomize