You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
