I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
