rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
