Do you still have your period?
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
