I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
